Friday, May 14, 2004
T Minus 85
It's been a while since the last post. Still nothing. Why is it impossible to express a coherent thought? Maybe it's just been a tense week. Hopefully, the next post will be a little more appealing than this plea for serenity. My heart's been beating irregularily all day. And no, that's not a metaphor.
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It's been a while since the last post. Still nothing. Why is it impossible to express a coherent thought? Maybe it's just been a tense week. Hopefully, the next post will be a little more appealing than this plea for serenity. My heart's been beating irregularily all day. And no, that's not a metaphor.
Thursday, May 06, 2004
T Minus 93
You Say Art, I Say Institutionalized Crap
There's this new field of art gaining popularity in the world. I think of it as the black sheep of the art family. Like that weird cousin who travels to Africa a lot, doesn't shower, and has this permanent funky smell that follows them everywhere. Meet performance art. Instead of painting, sculpting, or drawing, people feel they need to express themselves by, for example, putting things in their mouth. Some woman sets herself up in a cage and silently rotates the object she places in her mouth. Ancient rope, animal horns, stuffed peacock and other inedible diamonds. She brings such insight in the human condition. An Australian man nailed his arm to a wall. Thing is, he was only born with one. Maybe I'm too compassionate, or he seems to be a moron if he'd punch a hole in his only arm. I don't know how the gallery director put up with him. I hope he didn't spurt blood on any of the real art.
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You Say Art, I Say Institutionalized Crap
There's this new field of art gaining popularity in the world. I think of it as the black sheep of the art family. Like that weird cousin who travels to Africa a lot, doesn't shower, and has this permanent funky smell that follows them everywhere. Meet performance art. Instead of painting, sculpting, or drawing, people feel they need to express themselves by, for example, putting things in their mouth. Some woman sets herself up in a cage and silently rotates the object she places in her mouth. Ancient rope, animal horns, stuffed peacock and other inedible diamonds. She brings such insight in the human condition. An Australian man nailed his arm to a wall. Thing is, he was only born with one. Maybe I'm too compassionate, or he seems to be a moron if he'd punch a hole in his only arm. I don't know how the gallery director put up with him. I hope he didn't spurt blood on any of the real art.
Friday, April 30, 2004
T Minus 99
A Public Service Announcement
Mullet hunt season has begun. Around this time when the hats and winter gear come off mullet chasing begins. For those who would like to locate one of these near extinct 'dos, the subway and downtown core are prime territory. Baseball games almost always guarantee a sighting of the rare white man's afro. I'm no professional but I've been enlightened to such variations as the skullet, the femullet and the permullet. For those serious gazers Mullets Galore is the holy grail of that short bang-long back look.
Who even knew that the mullet has spawned its own music genre? Cut the Mullet exudes such lyrical genius as "The mullet is the reason why people hate you."
Inspiring, yet refreshingly honest.
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A Public Service Announcement
Mullet hunt season has begun. Around this time when the hats and winter gear come off mullet chasing begins. For those who would like to locate one of these near extinct 'dos, the subway and downtown core are prime territory. Baseball games almost always guarantee a sighting of the rare white man's afro. I'm no professional but I've been enlightened to such variations as the skullet, the femullet and the permullet. For those serious gazers Mullets Galore is the holy grail of that short bang-long back look.
Who even knew that the mullet has spawned its own music genre? Cut the Mullet exudes such lyrical genius as "The mullet is the reason why people hate you."
Inspiring, yet refreshingly honest.
Thursday, April 29, 2004
T Minus 100
I feel empty today. Maybe its symptomatic of something else. Possibly connected to the fur on my sandwich.
Disclaimer: Anti-Freeze is poisonous. Imbibe on your own risk.
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I feel empty today. Maybe its symptomatic of something else. Possibly connected to the fur on my sandwich.
Disclaimer: Anti-Freeze is poisonous. Imbibe on your own risk.
Sunday, April 25, 2004
T Minus 104
Who Needs Slaves when We Have Subservient Chicken
Thanks to those good people at Burger King, when we're tired of ordering their underage, dimwitted workers around (if I ever enter that Temple of Cardiac Arrest), we can order around their sandwich filler. Tell the subservient chicken to do his master's bidding: play dead, skip, or roll over.
I read people actually believed that somewhere in rural America a man sits by his dial-up modem wearing a chicken suit. Waiting for us.
Feh, people fell for bottled water.
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Who Needs Slaves when We Have Subservient Chicken
Thanks to those good people at Burger King, when we're tired of ordering their underage, dimwitted workers around (if I ever enter that Temple of Cardiac Arrest), we can order around their sandwich filler. Tell the subservient chicken to do his master's bidding: play dead, skip, or roll over.
I read people actually believed that somewhere in rural America a man sits by his dial-up modem wearing a chicken suit. Waiting for us.
Feh, people fell for bottled water.
Friday, April 23, 2004
T Minus 106
Through the centuries man has developed and progressed to the highest levels of social etiquette and class. Most people are loath to be labeled rude or self-centred. However, that has of yet not penetrated bathroom behaviour. Specifically, those individuals who walk straight from the urinals to the door. We can see you. We notice those hands swipe across the walls and handles. Keep those hands off our walls and back in your pockets. ARGH!
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Through the centuries man has developed and progressed to the highest levels of social etiquette and class. Most people are loath to be labeled rude or self-centred. However, that has of yet not penetrated bathroom behaviour. Specifically, those individuals who walk straight from the urinals to the door. We can see you. We notice those hands swipe across the walls and handles. Keep those hands off our walls and back in your pockets. ARGH!
Thursday, April 22, 2004
T Minus 107
Long Live Liquids
I don't have wisdom teeth. Lucky me since everyone I know is getting them out. Why have I been spared the chipmunk face and that attractive jaundice hue? Conclusion: I have evolved. Those wisdom teeth are going the way of the wooly mammoth, because we are no longer a species who rely on their teeth but rather swallow their calorie intake in quasi-liquid form. People don't eat apples anymore but instead slurp it out of a tube. Why eat breakfast when you can gulp it from a can. Bah, teeth, they're overrated.
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Long Live Liquids
I don't have wisdom teeth. Lucky me since everyone I know is getting them out. Why have I been spared the chipmunk face and that attractive jaundice hue? Conclusion: I have evolved. Those wisdom teeth are going the way of the wooly mammoth, because we are no longer a species who rely on their teeth but rather swallow their calorie intake in quasi-liquid form. People don't eat apples anymore but instead slurp it out of a tube. Why eat breakfast when you can gulp it from a can. Bah, teeth, they're overrated.
